Truly Frightening

Cold cement below your feet is splattered with some unrecognizable dark liquid. You inch slowly forward, senses fully alert, palms holding a cold sweat, and heart pounding so loud you're sure the person next to you will hear. Something surely will jump out at you, might grab you, might scream, might pretend to threaten your life with a chainsaw or other torturous contraption. You just know it. You just know that when you take this next step it's there. It's there. It's coming. You close in on the corner. Waiting. Here it comes.

Here it comes...

AHHHHH!!

And that's when you jump toward the friend standing next to you, who convinced you to attend this haunted house in the first place. If you were moderately attracted to this "friend" before, now you're two seconds away from finding an even darker corner and ripping some clothes off. What is it about being terrified that arouses us? And what's the difference between sexy-scary and truly frightening?

Haunted Houses, scary movies, and even creepy carnivals make great dates for a reason. Just think of all the similarities between Scary and Sexy:
1.) sweating
2.) alert senses
3.) things that go bump in the night...
4.) blood rushing
5.) carnal, instinctual behavior
and the list goes on!
Heightened adrenaline encourages borderline insane behavior. Something about it is thrilling. Something about it is exciting. And something about it is distinctly erotic. (Iconic example: Vampires.) It's no wonder the Halloween costume trend has been somewhere between terrifying and scandalous. It's one day out of the year when propriety has no place. The tradition of dressing up is an excuse to indulge in an unapologetic expression of two of the most primal functions of human existence: procreation and death.

But when things are truly frightening it changes everything. You feel nauseous, despondent, and paralyzed. Not only do you feel the opposite of sexy in moments like these, but the thought of being touched is generally lost somewhere far, far away. In some extreme cases the thought of being touched aggravates the existing problem. So this begs the question: what is truly frightening? And what's the real difference?

Slasher movies mimic the sensation of fear, just as romantic movies mimic the sensation of love--but real love is far more than a sensation, just as real fear is more. Sexy-scary, or the sensation of fear, is as shallow as infatuation and lust. True fear (just like true love) isn't an emotion, but something much deeper. I suppose genuine fear is one of those sentiments that is both universal and extremely personal. It is at the core of who we are and who we want to be; this great obstacle binding us to somewhere on the wrong side of the finish line.

Halloween laughs at frightening things and evokes the sensation without any actual danger. Suddenly a "fun" holiday is born. But no one dresses up as Failure, or Loneliness, Isolation, or Brutal Violence and Pain. Indifference and Abandonment weren't popular costumes last I checked either. Things we truly fear, things that pull us far within ourselves and deplete our power are not as easy to laugh at or twist into something exciting.

But what if we could laugh at it all?

The only thing to fear is fear itself.

True fear is our worst enemy: an Achilles heel of the human race. But fear in and of itself is nothing. Nothing at all. Perhaps we should laugh at such a preposterous notion. Perhaps we would be better if we could realize reality contains only everything else.

In the meantime, we can revel in the tradition of converting "fear" into an active energy. Adrenaline pumping, awareness heightening, and heart pounding sensations are much more useful than paralytic self-abomination. Sexy-scary is a healthier habit. Ridiculous amounts of candy aside, Halloween in general may be healthier than we thought after all. It turns a light on in the dark, illuminates those creepy demons, and in the process eradicates darkness itself. Don't you see?

Bad things do happen, and we are better off being aware of them, but awareness does not have to mean fear. True fear produces nothing positive.

Sexy-scary, on the other hand, could mean a great make-out session with your Haunted House partner in a dark corner.

Just one word of advice with that one though: make sure whoever you feel up (or let feel you up) isn't wearing a mask. Now THAT could be truly frightening...

Another One Bites the Dust

It always amuses me that people think they have unlimited chances.

Haven't you heard Shakespeare's quote "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"???

Buck-up buckaroo--you're in for a rude awakening.

Yes, even a girl who suggests "friends with benefits" has standards. Recent events, in fact, have raised those standards through the roof. While you had a chance to get what you wanted, you blew it entirely and will never get it back. Doubt it? Try me.

Here's the gist of recent events:

Alejandro offered to be the "booty call." Only, when the call was made, he managed to be unavailable. After a couple attempts and waiting for rain in a drought, I made plans with David instead. (David is a previously mentioned self-proclaimed admirer of this author.) After spending some time with David, I realized I felt guilty.

Guilty? For what exactly?

Clearly Alejandro had no claim on me--he had made no attempt whatsoever to be with me--so why did I feel guilty for spending time with another man? Eventually I arrived at the conclusion that I had attempted to be with Alejandro and that I was still harboring hope for a commitment that did not (and would not) exist. This meant I also was no longer suited for the arrangement I had offered to Alejandro at that baseball game two weeks before. Clearly it is not my personality to embark on such care-free endeavors.

Pity.

So, driving home from David's, I decided Alejandro needed to either step up or step out.

What I discovered was that he was already gone.

That baseball game was the last time I saw him, and two days after David was the last time I heard from him (about a week ago). Looks like Alejandro wasn't interested in being with any part of me. Talk about a blow to your pride.

But then, adding salt on the wound, David disappeared as well. He had sworn up and down he was crazy for me before we hung out, but then after we did--and the chase was over--he disappeared. Normally David would be given a chance to pipe up and explain himself. Normally David would be given some time to grow some balls (something that I already know is quite difficult for him). Unfortunately, timing is everything. After Alejandro's disappearing act I only had about enough patience for one day of deaf ears.

So they're out.

And will they think they have a second chance? Or third? Just because I'm nice and forgiving and understanding? HA. Forgive--yes. Forget--never. They already had all the chances they earned. Plus some. It's time for me to move on and never look back.