It's Raining Men

When I first started this blog, I set out determined to discuss the general and serious issues of being 20-something. I figured we all experienced things that my general, poorly researched articles might address effectively (for someone), but now I'm shifting directions. Perhaps general is not the way to go... And since no one reads this blog anyway, what do I have to lose by being up-close-and-personal with an overdose of specificity? Why not share the intimate details of my life with a group of anonymous strangers who might find some solace in slightly embarrassing amounts of unvarnished honesty?

So here it goes: the diary of a 20-something girl/woman/whatever.

Hormones are high, stakes are higher, and consequences are dire. Here is the low down:

1.) Sweet-T. This is a friend of my best guy friend, and I have dinner with him tonight. He was one of those guys in high school that didn't look at me twice when my extra ten pounds were awkwardly distributed and my attitude was overall-shy and intense, but now is totally excited to learn I had a crush on him in high school. He is sensitive and good-hearted. Hard life. Drama. Probably a great date. Thus the dinner with him tonight. I'm excited for it, but nervous too. Because he's my best friend's friend, it's a dangerous road to travel.

2.) Alejandro. No, that's not his real name, but he's a super-sexy soccer playing hispanic hottie who I flirted with last night and have a hiking date with on Wednesday morning, so I felt the name fit. Green eyes, dark hair, accent... also the object of one of my girls' affection. She's torn up about the guy. And last night I met him, flirted with him, and scored a date with him. Although it's really nice to meet a guy I actually want to see again, it sucks being that friend who (without any initial intentional effort) manages to undermine all the efforts of an enamored friend. Not cool.

3.) David. He is my lovely, Jewish admirer I also had a huge crush on in high school (and who always came off as that popular asshole, ironically). Now, years later, David is a guy I actually want to spend more time with--I really do--but would it go anywhere? Um, no idea. I don't mind not knowing everything, except I think David does want to know. At least in part. The way Nor-Cal wanted to know. The way I want to know about Rugby (we'll get to him later). He's hilarious, shy, quirky, sincere, talented, smart, and just plain-old interesting. Last night at karaoke he sang Maroon 5 and Nirvanna, then signed up his friend to sing Taylor Swift, but ended up singing most of it for him because David knew the song better. Ha. He's that guy. And, for some strange reason, he wants to take me out. He's boldly scared (telling me I'm beautiful via text while we're in the same room together.ha). Ah how things have changed since high school.

4.) Rugby. 31, already been married and divorced, serious, not a talker, very athletic, hard-working, family man, slightly tortured, funny, good-hearted, loyal, and my pick. Yes, Rugby is the one I want. He wanted me, and now... now I have no idea. Maybe he thought 20-something was too young. Maybe he couldn't get over the fact that I originally liked his brother. Which brings me to...

5.) Jimmy. I have had a crush on this 20-something boy for half a year, from the moment I first met him. He is Rugby's little brother, and the reason I met Rugby in the first place. We have so much in common and so much to talk about it's scary. He's bright, outgoing, friendly, athletic, hard-working, adventurous, and wonderful. He's been living in here in AZ for the last year and half, and I am the only girl he's taken on a date. It was a great date too. We went rock climbing together, and afterward the guy still wanted to kiss me post sweat-fest and garlic bread. I knew then he was a keeper. But, we didn't kiss. Mostly because I wasn't sure what was happening with his brother and because I was scared. Also, because he's leaving (going to Europe for five weeks and then moving back up north). Why set myself up for abandonment?

So there's the set-up. Complicated enough for you? Notice how all of these characters are new? Yes, I've already moved on from the others previously mentioned. That's the kind of girl I am apparently. Is it because I didn't care about them? No. Is it because I'm just that fickle? Not really. So how?

Survival.

The only way a girl survives in this world is by guarding her heart like a fortress and giving it to no one. "Love love, but do not love the man or else you'll be in his power." Right?

God, such bullshit. Why the fuck not? Why the games? Why can't I just pull Rugby aside on Thursday night and say, "Hey, listen. I like you. Just you. Okay?" At this point I think I will. I have nothing to lose. Obviously, there are other men. If not him, then someone. And love in your 20-somethings is always complicated, no matter what lies we tell ourselves.

Like I said: hormones are high, stakes are higher, and consequences are dire.

Somehow we magically have to live through that, not just 'survive' it. That's what being 20-something is really about.

So... here it goes.

Date 1 with Sweet-T tonight.
Date 2 with Alejandro tomorrow morning.
Date 3 with David tomorrow night.
Date 4 (unofficial date) with Rugby and Jimmy the night after tomorrow (I'm going to their work for my mother's 60th birthday at an Irish pub. Ha. Yes, my mother is the shit.)

I'll keep you posted.