Fine Lines

One of my favorite lines in the musical "Wicked" is during a song sung by the Wizard himself. He sings to our female protagonist (the "wicked witch of the west"): "There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities. So we act as though they don't exist!"

Ah, how true.

Somehow, with every passing year, morally gray areas of life become more and more abundant. And we often feel more comfortable with them when we just pretend they aren't there. But fine lines between the right and the well-maybe-not-so-much do exist, and they were so much thicker once upon a time. Why is that? And how do we deal appropriately?

Well I could bore you with tasks of mindfulness to improve your karmically-conscious way of life, but my waxing-philosophical probably won't benefit anyone all that much, seeing as how I'm pretty impulsive and lost sometimes.

For example, I worked with (and, admittedly, fell "in lust" with) a guy, hereafter referred to as J.D., who was initially involved seriously with someone. We were not romantic in any way while they were together, but when they split it was a different matter. Of course--in case you haven't caught on already to my luck--the ex moved back in with J.D. and I quit the job to get away from him and that was that. Dust off my hands done. BUT... there's always a "but"... I've still been unable to entirely dispel him from my thoughts. Even when I manage not to think about him during waking hours, he plagues my dreams. Dirty rat. So it just so happens our readily available electronic modes of communication put me only a friend-request away from the ex still living with/sleeping with J.D.

I befriended her.

We're talking.

We're quite friendly.

Does she suspect? Oh, psh, I'm sure she freakin' knows.

Where is this going? Why are we talking? How do either of us benefit? And is it really morally appropriate to do the keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer thing? Is that deception what we're doing? What we're BOTH doing? How is the morality of the situation affected if it's only one of us doing that? I was a rebound, and now I'm bitter. This girl was duped too. She is unknowingly treated like crap by a guy who adamantly claims (behind her back) to hate her. And I'm in on the joke. And she's not. And yet she's sleeping with him, and I'm just wishing I was, but pretending I'm not wishing... Sick and twisted?? Ha. Oy vey. Clearly, as things have gotten more complicated in life, so have the once obvious blacks and whites.

Although I will say one thing I've learned, the greatest solution to such problems is living in reality. Be as willing as possible to step outside of yourself and objectify your subjective perspective. We are limited, true, but that doesn't mean we have to lie to ourselves. (For example: the truth is J.D. has issues, and the further I separate myself from the whole thing, the better probably. The ex is already being lied to by her "boyfriend," so what good am I? I mean, come on, I'm asking for trouble.) There are a lot of things we do that aren't the "right" thing, but we do it anyway because it's technically justifiable. Never underestimate the power of rationalization. The question is, do the costs outweigh the benefits? I've been asking myself that a lot lately, and I'm beginning to think it's quite a useful concept. Consider the costs of the "easy" but, perhaps, "not-so-good" course of action. Consider your impulses, and decide whether the satisfaction of acting them out is really worth the consequences. Sometimes it is--I understand that--but sometimes we can save ourselves (and others) a lot of trouble.

Fine lines are good to avoid all together if life lets us, but when we cant, it's beneficial to be as objective and honest as we can. Because only then do fine lines get replaced by those big fat ones we were once so aware of not too long ago...